Is it bad if I’m totally not mentally here right now? I just wanna tan outside and get buff. Then all the guys will be like “hey girl, can I get yo numba?
—Amy, on GTL
*farts loudly*
Did that really just happen?
Well, I must be sober, you don’t fart when you’re drunk!
—Amy, on flatulence
A creep is an inanimate object. I will fight to the death about it.
—Amy, on words
There was a question on my music business quiz that asked “What is a mark of hip hop music?” My answer? Gangsta, guns &women , spoken word, bass down low, and drugs. Yep, he drops the lowest quiz score.
—Amy, on hood life
If I were a dog it wouldn’t be frowned upon to pee in someone’s yard.
—Amy, on bodily functions
Oh don’t worry, mom is getting a recording of Laddy mean barking and then giving me a hockey stick so in case someone does get in I can beat them with a hockey stick.
—Amy, on safety part 2
I’m sleeping with a knife bedside so in case someone attempts to break into my apartment again.
—Amy, on safety
I am trying to come up with different jobs one can do using a broom stick.
—Amy, on her theater project
Please tell me there is a trophy for asshole of the year award, cause I called in the football team because they were literally shaking my wall with their music while i was trying to sleep. Now I can’t sleep so I baked muffins. And when security came over, it took four knocks to get someone, so as I am trying to be Betty Crocker here there was screaming outside my door.
—Amy, on dealing with assholes
So I have decided that once I graduate I am going to kidnap Cuppy Cake and take her to Vegas and marry her and if they won’t marry us then we shall go to Canada and get married and then raise a pet moose as our child.
—Amy, on marrying a dog
