Quotes From A Concussed Hockey Player

"Is it bad if I’m totally not mentally here right now? I just wanna tan outside and get buff...."

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 14:14:02 -0400

“Is it bad if I’m totally not mentally here right now? I just wanna tan outside and get buff. Then all the guys will be like “hey girl, can I get yo numba?””

- Amy, on GTL

"farts loudly Did that really just happen? Well, I must be sober, you don’t fart when..."

Sun, 17 Mar 2013 22:58:52 -0400

“*farts loudly*
Did that really just happen?
Well, I must be sober, you don’t fart when you’re drunk!”

- Amy, on flatulence

"A creep is an inanimate object. I will fight to the death about it."

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 21:37:07 -0500

“A creep is an inanimate object. I will fight to the death about it.”

- Amy, on words

"There was a question on my music business quiz that asked “What is a mark of hip hop..."

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 22:26:22 -0500

“There was a question on my music business quiz that asked “What is a mark of hip hop music?” My answer? Gangsta, guns &women , spoken word, bass down low, and drugs. Yep, he drops the lowest quiz score.”

- Amy, on hood life

"If I were a dog it wouldn’t be frowned upon to pee in someone’s yard."

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 22:45:00 -0500

“If I were a dog it wouldn’t be frowned upon to pee in someone’s yard.”

- Amy, on bodily functions

"Oh don’t worry, mom is getting a recording of Laddy mean barking and then giving me a hockey..."

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 23:42:57 -0500

“Oh don’t worry, mom is getting a recording of Laddy mean barking and then giving me a hockey stick so in case someone does get in I can beat them with a hockey stick.”

- Amy, on safety part 2

"I’m sleeping with a knife bedside so in case someone attempts to break into my apartment..."

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 23:38:22 -0500

“I’m sleeping with a knife bedside so in case someone attempts to break into my apartment again.”

- Amy, on safety

"I am trying to come up with different jobs one can do using a broom stick."

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 23:21:00 -0500

“I am trying to come up with different jobs one can do using a broom stick.”

- Amy, on her theater project

"Please tell me there is a trophy for asshole of the year award, cause I called in the football team..."

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 10:41:53 -0400

“Please tell me there is a trophy for asshole of the year award, cause I called in the football team because they were literally shaking my wall with their music while i was trying to sleep. Now I can’t sleep so I baked muffins. And when security came over, it took four knocks to get someone, so as I am trying to be Betty Crocker here there was screaming outside my door.”

- Amy, on dealing with assholes

"So I have decided that once I graduate I am going to kidnap Cuppy Cake and take her to Vegas and..."

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 15:39:02 -0400

“So I have decided that once I graduate I am going to kidnap Cuppy Cake and take her to Vegas and marry her and if they won’t marry us then we shall go to Canada and get married and then raise a pet moose as our child.”

- Amy, on marrying a dog

"I’m drinking a margarita while watching Teen Mom…I think I’ve hit a new low."

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 22:04:09 -0400

“I’m drinking a margarita while watching Teen Mom…I think I’ve hit a new low.”

- Amy, on her lifestyle

"Damn, I guess if I was a superhero my weakness would be internet and my strengths would be stealth."

Wed, 12 Sep 2012 12:37:01 -0400

“Damn, I guess if I was a superhero my weakness would be internet and my strengths would be stealth.”

- Amy Wenzel, on hiding from the dean of her college

"Secretly inside, I love cleaning toilets."

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 00:13:47 -0400

“Secretly inside, I love cleaning toilets.”

- Amy Wenzel, on her secrets

"Judgement Jaguar, he judges you while he rips your face off"

Sun, 29 Apr 2012 23:50:00 -0400

“Judgement Jaguar, he judges you while he rips your face off”

- Amy on Judgmental Animals

"well I guess Texas and minnesota have something in common and that is a good womens’..."

Wed, 04 Apr 2012 00:21:49 -0400

“well I guess Texas and minnesota have something in common and that is a good womens’ basketball team
but who cares about womens’ basketball”

- Amy on Basketball

Me: I'm an English major.

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 01:40:57 -0400

Me: I'm an English major.
Amy: So am I. Actually I failed it. I am the dumbass who failed English 3 times.

"It’s supposed to be “needle”, but I drew a tshirt."

Fri, 30 Mar 2012 00:07:58 -0400

“It’s supposed to be “needle”, but I drew a tshirt.”

- Amy on Draw Something

"I do not talk to bambi on an everyday basis"

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 01:46:56 -0400

“I do not talk to bambi on an everyday basis”

- Amy on Hunting Laws

"Did you know you can high five your face?"

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 00:35:20 -0400

“Did you know you can high five your face?”

- Amy on Facepalming

"PETERS WANNA SEE MY FETUS?!"

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 00:10:45 -0400

“PETERS WANNA SEE MY FETUS?!”

- Amy on injuries